Jesus always shows up

 Here's a fun story.

Last night my husband and I were talking to Clare (12yo) about how Jesus shows up when you pray even if it isn't glaringly apparent at the time. She said that he doesn't always say things to her in prayer and it was hard to know if he's there all the time.  I tried to make it very clear that Jesus always shows up even if all he does is simply sit and be with us.

Sometimes when I do imaginary prayer and sit with Jesus in my favorite spot we just sit.  He doesn't say anything and I don't either.  We just sit in silence and that's wonderful enough.  Other times I find that I hear him saying things almost as clearly as I hear anyone else.  But what I have found in life is that if I make the tiniest effort to reach out for Jesus because I need him, he shows up.

Fast forward to earlier today.  After 8 years of homeschooling and disorganization (ie: papers and craft supplies all over the school room) we lost some flash cards that were part of our language arts set for 2nd grade.  I got irritated and stomped downstairs yelling, "St. Anthony where are the cards??!" 

Then I started rifling through stacks of papers and basically garbage on shelves in the school room getting more and more irritated at the huge mess until I finally blurted out, "demon of disorganization get out of here! Jesus where are the cards?" I had barely finished yelling when the next thing my fingers touched while rifling through a shelf full of paper crap was the 8 cards rubber banded together.

I told Clare, "See? Jesus always shows up even if you're yelling 'Jesus where are the cards?!?!' "

Christmas wish

I am sitting in the living room alone right now.  I just put a pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving (in two days) in the oven.  Before that I put some dry brine on the gigantic turkey.  The other pie crust I put in the freezer to deal with tomorrow.

  I sat down a moment ago to start a show on Netflix, and some cheesy Christmas movie preview automatically started showing.  I sort of balk at it in my head thinking, "It's not even Thanksgiving yet!"

Then I began to think, "I wish people knew about Advent. Is this even related to Christmas?  Why are all these Christmas movies the same? "

All those heart warming cheesy Christmas rom-coms we find now on Netflix and the Hallmark channel that flood the screens as soon as the weather begins to get cold all seem to swirl around the same theme.  Unfortunately it isn't Advent.  It isn't even really Christmas.  At least not Christmas if we're talking about the birth of  Jesus Christ.  I think most of them revolve around wishes.

"Christmas" wishes.

Will I get what I want?  Will it be the most wonderful romantic man I've ever dreamed of?  A knight in shining armor?  Will it be the puppy I've been begging my parents for?  Will it be a warm fuzzy feeling because all of my family is gathered around me drinking cider around the fireplace singing Christmas carols and sounding like Pentatonix?

Where did this idea that Christmas gives us all we ever wished for come from?
Maybe it's because Christmas gives us more than we could ever wish for.

I've been thinking a lot about those transcendentals lately.  How the true, good and beautiful are supposed to lift our minds and hearts to God.  The truth said and heard in our daily lives.  The good people we meet, things we have, or food we eat.  The beautiful Cathedral we worship in or earth we walk on.

All of these wonderful things we see and sometimes wish for have their place.  They have their purpose, to help us remember the source of all truth, goodness, and beauty.

I think it's important as we break open the season of advent to remember that our wishes and desires need to be properly ordered, to reflect our truest desire, to be in union with God for eternity.  Nothing is more exciting, thrilling, heartwarming, or beautiful than that.

God will love us infinitely more than that cheesy knight in shining armor from the holiday Netflix movie.

Who's excited for Advent?  Woot!  Let's prepare our hearts for Jesus.

A glimpse of heaven

Last weekend I got to do something amazing.  My awesome husband let me escape for a few days so that I could join my sister at Evans Lake.

 It was the summer camp we both worked at for numerous summers.  Before working there, I was also a camper for a few years.  They were holding an event called Camp Big Kid where former staff members could come up for the weekend and play like a kid at camp. 

It was a glorious three days.  I'll get into more details about it in a moment.

After I left camp, I went to Sunday Mass with my parents at their Parish for the Solemnity of the Ascension.  It was a beautiful Mass, unfortunately the homily was just sort of ho hum.  Nothing earth shaking for me.  

After a couple hours of driving and a random search at the border where I was detained, (yay, thanks border security), I got home and happily listened to a great podcast homily from my good friend and old College buddy Father Bryan Ochs out of St. Rose in Longview, WA.

You can listen to the homily here.

In his homily he speaks a little bit about how we can have glimpses of hell and of heaven on earth.  He talks about isolation from others being a sort of hell.  He then talks about how being in communion with others gives a glimpse of heaven and the communion of saints.

I found this part of the homily particularly pertinent to my experience that day and that weekend.  I had just come from camp and all of the words said, things experienced, and people I love were still close in my mind.  The goodbyes were still fresh and I was still in disbelief that camp was over.

No other place, (outside of Mass) makes me feel closer to God than Evans Lake.  This fact in particular is one reason I have been going there in my mind for the last few months in my daily meditations.  I have been spending time with Jesus in prayer at the rockslide, at campfire, on chimney rock, on the lake trail, etc.  

I got the feeling last weekend that a few of my friends felt close to the eternal there too.  One of my friends Steve said, "Evans Lake is my religion, and I haven't been to Church in a while".  My other friend Kalen said something like feeling like he was in heaven while we were on a hike in the Evans Lake forest.  Why?  Why does being in this particular forest with these people  doing crazy things make us feel this way?

I think there are a few things to note here.

First let me point out, Evans Lake is not affiliated with any religion.  It is a secular camp.  The staff comes from all different backgrounds, liberals, conservatives, Christian, Atheist, Pagan, Jewish, Buddhist, Gay, Straight.  You name it.  Everyone is represented.  

Second, I have not seen these people in several years.  Some of them ten years or more.  Some of the newer staff I had never even met.

I think that being in a place outdoors speaks to our hearts of the divine and the eternal.  In the Catechism it says that through seeing the beauty of creation we can come to a knowledge of God.  So while admiring the beauty of nature, our hearts immediately turn to thank God for that beauty.   

I have also noticed that at camp, even though we have such different world views and political leanings outside of camp, when we are at camp we just love and respect each other.  There has always been a great deal of emphasis on respecting the people you encounter at camp.  So in this effort to be respectful I find that we have often been able to love each other for our little quirks and special qualities.  I think we feel so loved for just being ourselves.  I heard that a friend said, "I can be my whole self at camp".  We feel free.  We act weird.  We dress up like crazy people for themed lunches and breakfasts and we don't feel self conscious because there's just this knowledge that we will be loved through all of it.

Some of these people who I haven't seen in maybe 14 years since I last worked there immediately gave me long happy hugs when I arrived.  It's like we never skipped a beat, friends for all this time.  

It reminds me of a part of the Theology of the Body (Pope John Paul II's book) where we speak about mankind before the fall, where there was original justice and harmony.  People could love without fear of risk or rejection.  They were free to be their whole selves without fearing abuse from the other.

Coming back to camp felt like coming to a wedding reception.  Everyone you know and love is there and everyone is happy to celebrate!  It reminds me of how heaven is described as the wedding feast of the lamb in the Bible.

Lastly, while we are at camp we're goofing off.  The weight of the world seems far away.  We trust whoever is the COD (coordinator of the day) that whatever comes next will be amazing and hilarious.  We act like kids, playing crazy games, knowing what to expect and accepting whatever is given to us.  We return to a sort of innocent and playful childhood.  

Wouldn't it be amazing if everyone's experience of Church were like this?  

 Seeing God everywhere we look, feeling loved by everyone we meet, feeling free, confident and trusting WHO is in charge? 

The reason my friends feel God in this place is because He is there.  Through the beauty of his creation, through the love of the people present, and through the joy in the heart of being childlike again.  God was there.  It was beautiful.

I pray that everyone find a community like this.  I pray that my own church can grow more communities like this.  And I pray for all of my Evans Lake buddies and their beautiful lives, spouses, and children.

To my friends at camp, you are amazing.  The weekend in our forest home was unforgettable and I thank you all for being there and bringing all of yourselves out to play.  It was good for my soul.

Keep being amazing human beings.  

Remember, (like Mer said) where we're all supposed to go if a zombie apocalypse breaks out...bring food and supplies and we'll blast the road.  LOL!

I love you all.  Big hugs.

The dawn from on high shall break upon us.

Today I got a text message in the morning from a friend about a "stop abortion bans" rally happening at a local park.  The rally is happening no doubt in response to Alabama's new law banning abortions in their state.

I told my kids what was happening and got them caught up on the current events surrounding this rally and asked them if they wanted to go and counter protest.  The answer from my five kiddos who are 10 and under was a resounding "yes!"

A friend and her kids were joining us and she texted that they had their St. Benedict medals ready to go.  The response from my kids was both surprising and inspiring when I told them to get their St. Benedict crucifixes, after the reminder from my friend.  They went into full spiritual combat gear up mode.  The 7 year old had just gotten a small holy water key chain container for his First Holy Communion, so he grabbed that and the Lourdes water he received as well.  They all grabbed rosaries, the 8 year old put on his St. Michael the Archangel t-shirt, they all wore their St. Benedict crucifixes and the 10 year old made sure we had the pro-life signs.  Taking a hint from my kids I grabbed some of our exorcised salt as well to take with us.

It's funny, they don't always know how to get ready to go for school, or a simple outing to the grocery store, but they seemed to know exactly what they would need to ready themselves for spiritual combat.

Seeing them readily gear up and hearing them so naturally pray the rosary with their friends today was a big sign of hope for me.  The Alabama law seems like the first break in the pro-choice wall that has been up for decades.  I think one of the most exciting points to note is that it was signed in by a woman.

There have been dark days lately.  For the world, and for me and my immediate family.  But the dawn is breaking it seems.  There are signs of hope and inspiration.  I have finally opened my eyes wide enough to see them.

Here are a few I have noticed lately:

-My husband is a hero.  Even in spite of pain and illness he still manages to be gentle, patient, and caring with the kids.  He manages to be patient, humble and gentle with me despite my moods and issues.  But most of all, through this rough time for him, he keeps on going.  He clings to hope and to God even when it is difficult and when he is frustrated.  That is everyday heroism. 💖💖💖

-Last Thursday I saw three boys, classmates of my kiddos, run out of their Spanish class as soon as it finished so that they wouldn't be late for altar serving at daily Mass.  Their dedication to going to daily Mass inspired us to follow them there and it was a joy to watch them serve so reverently.

-I see my parish priest toughing out the daily grind amidst his own physical illness and suffering.

-I see my priest friends keep loving and serving their parishoners despite backlash and sometimes hateful behavior.

-I see my friends ministering to and praying for others while their baby boy is in the hospital getting open heart surgery and going through hurdle after hurdle in recovery.

-I see my friends celebrating their 15th wedding anniversary, defying the throw away culture we live in and showing the world God-like love.

-I see my friend battling cancer while caring for her toddler and baby boy with strength, grace, hope, courage and love.

All of these things give me hope for a new day.  All of your beautiful lives and holy crosses are bearing the fruits of hope, peace and love in my heart and soul and also in the world around you.  Thank you all for living holy lives for the world to see.  Keep it up.  You are inspiring.

Thank you Jesus for these people who all answer the call to receive your love and bring it forth into the world.

Social media and the Liturgy of the Hours

Maybe it's because I'm getting old.  Maybe I have just forgotten the unspoken rules of social media interaction.  Whatever the reason, I feel I've made myself look very awkward on a few occasions on social media. 



Recently, like a good fb stalker friend, I had been following a friend's posts about personal struggles and questions.  Mind you, I hadn't had any real in person interaction with this individual in over 12 years.  At some point I started randomly commenting as though it was 12 years ago and I had just seen this person and had many conversations in a trusting friendship.  I am such a weirdo.  It was awkward.  It was taken awkwardly.  I now see the error of my ways. 



But that is what social media does to us isn't it?  For those friends who you don't normally interact with on a daily basis social media makes us feel as though we are still right there with them.  Sometimes depending on the original relationship this is totally fine, for those acquaintances, it can be awkward.

I find myself thinking, "I just want to be your friend!"  I spend a lot of time lamenting about how far away I actually am from some people.  I just want to be a part of your life!



In reality I can't.  I can't physically be a part of everyone's life and in everyone's business and talking to everyone about their problems.  It's just not realistic.  Not.....human.



Tonight we went to stations of the cross as a family.  The priest leading it was a Vietnamese priest with a wonderful accent.  As he was praying the closing prayers I found myself transported in my mind's eye to the many Churches around the world I have been fortunate enough to visit.  I imagined these same prayers being done in Churches in the Philippines, in Mexico, in India, in Spain, France, Australia, Canada, and all over the world.  It gave me such an amazing sense of hope and love to think that we were all uniting our prayers during this time of lent.  We as the Church were really together.



This made me remember something a Benedictine nun said to me during my discernment.  I had asked about why the Liturgy of the Hours was prayed daily and so many times a day.  What was the point of all the psalms?  Why not another form of prayer?  She told me that the psalms in the Liturgy of the Hours contain all the emotions a person can have.  So when we pray the psalms it is like praying for and with all of humanity.  You pray the prayers of sadness and joy along with the universal church.  You plug yourself into the lifeblood of the Church and your prayers join in with everyone all over the world because the psalms and the Mass are universal.  Priests, religious, and laypeople all pray the same prayers every day, united. 



I think the universality of the Liturgy of the Hours must be the answer for what social media lacks.  We long for closeness with friends and others.  We seek to be with people in their struggles and walk with them in their joy and pain.  On a human level this cannot be done properly on a grand scale.  But through humble prayers, joining with Jesus, it can.  We can plug in, through a different system.  A different social media platform.....it's called prayerbook. 

Bahahaha.  That was corny.



I love you all.  Don't be awkward like me.  Don't be surprised if I randomly comment on your posts when I haven't spoken to you in years. 

They love you for who you are

I came across this image on fb recently and the last line struck me.  The whole statement is trying to say that a friend will love you in spite of whatever is going on in your life and that they love you for "who you are".

I wonder how many people stop to think about that sentence.  That phrase is frequently used today.

 "Just love me for who I am."

"Accept me for who I am."

But do people stop to think about who they are?  What that really means?

I think that if that were actually the case, our world would look quite different.  John Paul II wrote about the unrepeatability of the human person.  The uniqueness of each and every human soul.  Each and every soul of course, being created and loved by God.

When you say you love someone for who they are, it means you are loving them without condition.  Not because they are smart, pretty, handsome, clever, hilarious, or loving.  All of those qualities can change.  All of those qualities can be usurped by someone else with more of those qualities.  Loving someone for who they are requires a permanence that is equal to the permanence and beauty of their unique eternal soul.

Furthermore, if you love someone for who they are, that means you have to know who they are.  Are they a man? Are they a woman?  Can you love them truly without acknowledging who they are? Can they love themselves?

God does this.  He sees who we truly are.  He sees more than we see ourselves.  I think so many people now are confused about who they are and confused about love.  It seems the phrase "They love you for who you are." Is a bit lost in our world, especially when it comes to marriage.

Who are you? A child of God.

Where does your worth come from? From being created in His image and being loved by Him.

So when you say love me for who I am it speaks to a greater depth of the soul.  Your deepest reality in who God created you to be.  Your qualities, your preferences, your desires, your passions.  Those will change.  You, are you.  God made you that way.  He loves you for who you are, always, eternally, boundlessly.

Love, whipped, tied, and tortured.

Want to know who I'm talking about?   Not those people in that movie about that book.  If there's anyone we should be enthralled with this Saint Valentine's Day it should not be Christian Grey.  It should most definitely be the person who won Saint Valentine's heart.  Namely, God.

Love itself whipped, scourged, tied, nailed, and tortured to death.   He gave himself up for us freely.  He gave himself totally.  He is faithful to the end.  His love brings us new life. 

The violent porn will not. 

Friends please, I'm joining the cacophony of internet voices and plead with you, if you do anything this Valentine's day, don't go see that horrible movie.  I hope it's the biggest flop.  I hope it doesn't get any funding for a sequel.  I have hope that people won't all go see porn at the box office.  But really? The sales of the book are pretty disheartening.  So many people bought that trash.  Wait, worse than trash.  It's poison.

Poison in, poison out.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

-Philippians 4:8

I just had a talk with Clare a few days ago about some weird valentine card she got from a ballet classmate.  I am so disconnected from the strange cartoons lately that I have no idea what the card was.  Monster something?  The card had two glamorous teenage monster things on it saying, "You're fang-tastic!"  I had to explain to the kiddo why Daddy and I don't really let her watch stuff like that.   I quoted the above from the Bible.  I had to explain that if we fill our mind and soul with ugliness we'll lose sight of heaven.  Beauty and goodness are given to us by God to remind us of our heavenly home.

I'm pretty sure we can all agree that "50 Shades of Grey" is not true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious, or excellent.  Right?  If not, then we're pretty lost.

 Hopefully I'm not too late to the party in posting this, but if you believe in true love, don't go see this movie.  True love isn't dominating and self-seeking.  It's self-sacrificial and self-donating.

Since I am so vehemently opposed to this movie I have been working on a couple of blog posts about it.  I couldn't really decide which to publish, so here's what I wrote for the other one.
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Wives and Husbands.  
Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, hat he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So [also] husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

“For this reason a man shall leave [his] father and [his] mother

and be joined to his wife,

and the two shall become one flesh.”

This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church. In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband. 

-Eph 5:21-33

It's  Saint Valentine's day and the internet is buzzing with opinions, outrage, and excitement over a certain movie release.  I for one can't think of a worse way to honor Saint Valentine than by releasing "50 Shades of Grey".  The movie isn't about love.  It has for some reason in our disordered society been associated with love and romance.  Sure, there is sexual content in the movie, but does that equal love?  In today's society sex has been flung so far from love it has become unrecognizable.  No one remembers what sex is for.  No one remembers what love is.  Everything seems like a dizzying cycle of shock factors and pleasure seeking.  It's weird.  So weird. 

Hopefully you know by now that Saint Valentine has a great story in which his life gives witness to God's love.  That's really what we should be celebrating on this feast isn't it?  God's love and how it transforms us, our lives, our souls, and everything.  That's worth celebrating.  Pope Saint John Paul II had a favorite portion of scripture when it came to speaking of love between husband and wife and God's love; Ephesians 5 quoted above.  It reminds us what true love is and gives us true insight into relationships between men and women.

"Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ".  Not subordinate to each other for BDSM sex which is completely disordered. 

"Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies."  Dominating a woman and torturing her doesn't exactly say, "I love you and I will take care of you". 

Furthurmore, sex is about unity and procreation!  "The two shall become one flesh!"  Not about torture and twisted sexual pleasure.  Rightly ordered sexual pleasure is amazing!  Thank goodness God made Man and Woman and the marital embrace the way he did!  But when society sterilizes, twists, and fetishises what should be faithful, total, fruitful, and free we lose sight of that self-sacrificial Christ like love.  TRUE LOVE is supposed to be a mystery which reminds us of "Christ and the church". 

NOTHING about 50 shades of grey reminds us of the love Christ has for his Church.

So don't go spend your money on porn friends.  Go help a women's domestic violence shelter and help undo the way our culture is twisting and suffocating true love.